With Christmas just around the corner and the year drawing to an end, I was quite overwhelmed. A look back at where I started the year, the dreams I dreamt, the things that I wanted to accomplish all still remain unfulfilled. A somber regret trailed me since the 1^st of December. Life is passing by at an alarming pace and I remain useless was all I could think of. In such a low spirit, I was unable to keep myself motivated to write a joyous message about the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Every time I meditate on the Word of God, I hear Him speaking distinctly a thought that I could develop into a message. With six different thoughts floating in my head, I still couldn’t pick one that was apt for the season. So, I waited for yet another day to pass by with all my hopes pinned for a new day when God would clearly tell me what to write and share. Nothing came and at night I retired with a sad heart. Two Advent Sundays have passed and I suddenly realized that if He were not with me, I would not be where I am today.

I looked back at the year gone by and realized that I did accomplish plenty without my knowledge and I hadn’t been useless after all. However, the most important of all my accomplishments: I started leaning and trusting God much more than when I began the year. I’ve surrendered myself completely (well, almost) to Him and put the reins of my life in His Hands. Not once but several times when I felt nudged gently that I am reclaiming them again. If not for a closer walk with God, I would have been in a much sadder state. In fact, I gained spiritual insight into so many aspects of life. What did I lose? Absolutely nothing (maybe my old self), instead gained plenty.

Now that the joyous season is almost upon us, I am yet again reminded that a living and loving God sent His only begotten Son for me, to take my place, to die and redeem me from eternal damnation: A Son who left His Heavenly abode and the glorious bosom of His Heavenly Father to come down to this guilty sod to seek and find that were lost, a Son who surrendered completely to the will of His Father. When my mind finally fathomed the depth of His love, all I could do was to surrender to His passionate love.

A God who laid down for a worthless soul like me surrendered completely, demands from me what? As I tried to analyze I was reminded a wonderful saying by Andrew Murray that I read at the beginning of the year: “As long as we are something, God cannot be all, and His omnipotence cannot do its full work. When we are nothing, in utter despair of self, a ceasing from man and everything on earth and finding our hope in God alone.” – Andrew Murray

I’ve reached the end of my self. Not once but several times. Every time I surrendered to God, I felt reborn, rejuvenated as if new blood is flowing through me. How can this be? I felt like a giant in my own eyes. I guess if superheroes really existed, they would be absolutely sure of their powers. I felt like a superhero because I knew of my secret weapon – my Jesus. My confidence in Him grew stronger day by day while I was losing confidence in my fleshly abilities. As I grew in such confidence, I was more at rest and a peace that surpasses all understanding, sure enough, engulfed me.

Now as I enter this Christmas season, this refreshing idea that the Holy Spirit put in me has become the focal point of my life from henceforth. Will I remain in Him, rest in Him, surrender to Him and live for Him? From my end in my own strength, I know it is impossible. However, as long as my vine is grafted into the True Vine, I shall cease relying on self and rest secure in Him. No longer useless but fruitful, I am assured.

Dear fellow laborers in Christ, I cheer you on in your journey of faith. Let this season of joy and celebration not distract you from the One who is the focal point of it all. As you surrender to Him, rest assured that you are in safe hands for life. His promises come with “eternity” warranty. When a God who could give us His all, can’t we give our all to Him? Pray that I give my all to Him and hold nothing back. Pray that you give your all to Him and hold nothing of yours back.